1) Mom's death is not "imminent" - her vitals are fine. She is dying, but we have no clear time-line for how this will go. She's exhausted from a nearly constant stream of visitors. She's had a hell of a week between moving from Raleigh, adjusting to the nursing home, registering for hospice and saying goodbye for the last time to her only grandchild.
2) Call the nursing home before visiting, see if she's open to taking visitors.
2) No one visits mom until next week. She needs to rest.
3) Mom's has asked that we limit her visits to week nights between 6-8, and to no longer than 10-15 minutes.
4) Check the blog for updates on her condition. Its as simple as clicking on this link http://www.eileenmcguire.blogspot.com. Andy and I are unable to keep up with the deluge of email and phone calls. The blog will have the most up to date information.
5) We are not preventing anyone from visiting. We are asking that you respect the times we're setting for visitation. If the hours, time limits or other constraints we've set don't work for you, I invite you to revisit your priorities, or reexamine your motivations for visiting.
6) The visit should be pleasant and brief. She's dying. She doesn't need to be burdened with making this easier for anyone else, and doesn't owe anyone "closure".
7) No groups larger than three. No children.
8) No gifts or flowers. She doesn't have room. When you call ahead, ask her if she wants anything - a milkshake, whatever. There are no dietary restrictions on her. Its all about making her comfortable.
9) You can call Andy, myself or Kate Kimener if you need clarification on anything here.
10) When mom tells us she's had enough, the visits are done, and we'll leave those instructions with the nursing facility. Check the blog before coming.
11) None of these rules apply to Gram.
I'm sorry if this is blunt. Mom bares no ill-will to anyone. She's tired, and is a peace with what is happening to her. Andy and I have been entrusted with safeguarding her wishes, whether we agree with them or not. Mom makes the rules. We make sure they're carried out. If we are terse, or stonewall well intentioned gestures that are made out of love, please understand that we're not doing this out of spite or anger. Our only loyalty is to mom and her wishes.
I'm sorry if I've missed anyone with this email. It will be posted to the blog, and can be forwarded to whoever I may have missed.
Trip
2 comments:
Trip and Andy:
If you need anything at all, please call. You've done wonderful and your mom seems to be at such a loving peace. This is thanks to you both. Thanks also for sharing with each of us. We love you and will gladly abide by the desires of Leen.
Hugs, love and prayers,
Aunt Carol and Uncle John
To Andy:
Andy, it's Vera Wilson. I met you briefly in Raleigh - I was your mother's next door neighbor before we moved to Wilmington.
Please let your mother that in the short time she was in Raleigh, she touched us with her warm heart, amazing strength and deep faith and we will not forget that, ever. Please give her our love and let her know she is in our prayers.
Peace,
Vera
Post a Comment